PreschoolRock.com Forum

At a recent outing of our playgroup, I witnessed a preschooler grab a little girl's face and pinch and scratch it until she was bleeding! Of course the little girl was extremely hurt and upset so her mother comforted her. But, the mother of the "bully" merely told her son that he shouldn't hurt other children and let him continue to play.

A little while later, while my daughter was playing on the playground equipment and I was talking with some other mothers, another mother said "He pinched your daughter!" A well of emotions filled me inside and I wanted to grab the "bully" and let him know that it is not OK and I REALLY wanted to tell the mother just what I thought of her parenting skills.

Of course, I kept quite, comforted my daughter who thankfully didn't get attacked as badly as the other little girl. Again, the "bully" was quietly told not to do "that" and continued to play.

At the end of our meeting, the mother (the leader of the playgroup by the way) told the "bully" to tell everyone goodbye and he proceeded to kick sand on all the little ones who were playing with shovels and buckets.

I really enjoy the other members of the group so I don't really want to switch groups but I can't just stand by and watch these children get "bullied." What should I do? Has anyone else had this kind of experience?

I have 2 daughters, ages 3 & 4, and I run a playgroup. I have a "passive" mom in the group - she has labeled herself this. From my experience, these type of moms can't handle confrontation with their child, they handle it even worse with other adults. I've talked to my "passive" mom before about it and she admits that she can't bring herself to punish her "baby". I find myself scolding her son a lot. I try to ignore him if he's not bothering my kids, but when the playgroup is held at my house I find myself chasing after him to enforce the "house rules" that the other kids seem to be able to follow with no problem.

In general though, I have a hands off policy, if I see another child picking on my girls I immediately step in and sternly tell the child that he/she is not being nice and he/she needs to go find something else to do. I have yet to have a child, or parent, challenge me. I've even had parents apologize to me on behalf of their children, but never make their child apologize or even scold him/her.

Good luck whatever you decide to do!

Thanks for the feedback. Since I posted the original message, the mother of the "bully" sent out an email to everyone in the group apologizing for her son and letting us know her frustrations with the behavior (it's been going on for over a year!). She let us know that if her son is having a particularly bad morning, she will not attend the play group or if her son misbehaves during the scheduled play group time she will leave.

I think it was pretty brave of her to send out this email and it helped me to see that she has been having to deal with this for so long and is probably at her wits end! She even mentioned that she has read books and talked to professionals about how to deal with her son's behavior. Hopefully, the issue will resolve itself without any more children being hurt.

Thanks,
Shannon

This coming Sunday, June 3rd, at 4:00 PST we'll be airing Preschool Rock Moms radio show "Playground Etiquette". I think you all would definitely enjoy this topic. Visit www.preschoolrockmoms.com for more information. Feel free to call in to the show!

I have had a similar situation at the playground where I visit. It is hard, because you are afraid to say something to the child for fear the parent will get mad. My rule of thumb, is if the child is doing something that will harm themselves or another child, then I say something. Hoping that the parent/guardian will follow up. Usually they do. But if not,I leave the playground and come back another time.